Eating alone. Studying alone. Listening songs alone. A peaceful day. Quite happy with it. Noone interupt me. I can do anything I like. I can do my things without any disturbance. I enjoy the silent environment. No noise. Good environment for me to study. The best thing is don't need to speak with anyone. It's good to be alone. I hate to face people. I hate crowded place. I like to be silent even when I be with friends. It's not that I don't know the way to express myself, not that I don't have my own opinion. It's simply because I like to keep words to my own. I rarely express myself in words in front of others and most probably I only express myself with facial expressions. A bad habit. I pull long my face whenever I feel unhappy. I should correct it as soon as possible.
Well. Back to the topic. I like to be alone but there is always many things come into my mind when i am alone. I looked into mirror after I finished bathing , I saw a dull face. Suddenly, I feel I am uglier than before. In fact, I never think that I am pretty but I really looks uglier today. I am not energetic anymore. I don't see my passion towards life. I feel so tired. Is it that I can't see my bright future? I keep thinking about my future these days. Did I choose the correct path of my life by entering this uni and pursuing this course?
Really confusing. Is this kind of life suits me? Or I have to change myself and try to fit in? I am not gifted. I am not talented in anything. Many people say that I have good fashion sense but what can I do with it? I can only choose nice clothes for myself. Besides doll up myself with clothes, what else can I do? I can't be a good fashion designer. I am not good in drawings. I am not born with it. I can't even learn it well. Not to say be a good fashion designer, I can't even be a normal fashion designer because I can't even draw! So, the main point is I can't use fashion sense to earn money. Some of them say I good in chinese language. I think about proceed to chinese studies in degree course. But it seems unrealistic to take this course due to the little chance to get a good job, somemore I don't wanna be a teacher. So, pursuing chinese studies in degree is impossible.
I remember my parents and teachers taught me to be a good girl and do well in exam then only I can succeed in my life. In fact, I think I still can't see my bright future even i try very hard to study and get an excellent result. I know that my result is not excellent but it is still can be considered as average and at least it is not bad compared to others. I knew I am smart enough to get better result. I knew that I am capable to do it well as long as I willing to put in more effort. I knew it. I am very sure I will get it as long as I try harder. But still, why don't I see my bright future is waiting for me? Is it true that I must change and try hard to fit in the situation? I must love what I have chosen, right? I know that I have the ability to solve any problems and survive in any bad situation. I always believe that there is nothing impossible for me. So, does it means that I can get through all these obstacles as long as I am willing to do so?
Feeling better after writing it out... At least those questions won't distract me during studying..Gotta go to continue studying now..
