Emo..Why being cheated again???

Today is a real bad day...The result is not as good as what I expected...even my friend also says that my result is so poor (no..i never blame her to say so...because i know it's really poor). 3.xx....sienz...if next sem still get the same result..I reallly dunno how can I get 1st class honour.. Or it is predestined that i will only get second-upper honour or even worse?! Haiz...this is not the worst thing happens today...J told me that she get 3.xx which is higher than me but I find out that her gpa is below 3 when i read her blog just now...I know that she get 2.xx from another friend too...Why? Why she wanna cheat me?? Why she think that she cannot tell me her real result? I thought she is a reliable friend...I thought she is one of my good friend in U..I thought we can share things among each other... but now she is cheating me....Does it really can make her feel better to let me know that she get better result than me?? Is it she afraid that after I know her result is poor than me, i will look down on her? I will laugh on her? Am I this kind of person? Is it that our friendship never exists? Or else it's just my silly thought abt our friendship? Really emo now..I know she always wanna compete with me...I never think of wanna compete with her also...she is my friend..I won't feel happy just because I get better result than her!! I will definitely happy for her if she really score higher marks than me or whatsoever..But why? why she treat me like this? Is it that she never regard me as her friend?? I am worrying abt our friendship..I really wish it's just a misunderstanding among us..Too bad it's not..everything is in black and white ...it's true no matter I choose to believe it or not..When I read her blog and find out that her result is not that good...I really feel sad for her..I even feel like calling her to comfort her but I really not dare to call her..I don't wanna let her know that I discover she lies..I really dont wanna make her feel even worse...I really don't have the courage to talk abt this to her....I will hurt her feeling if i raise this topic to her right? My heart tell me that I couldn't hurt her feeling since she is my friend...she is not merely a normal friend but one of my good friend in U..I can't afford to lose the friend...I should treasure the friendship right? I promise, I am not gonna talk abt this to other friends for the sake of our friendship..I am not gonna hurt her feeling eventhough she lies..If she feels better to let me know that she get better than me...just let it be..at least she feels better..

Final exam result!!!

Checked my final exam result ady..GPA only 3.++....it's not as good as what I expected..Gotta concentrate more on study for coming semester....Must improve the result!!!!

LOL!!!

Another boringg day of holidays today.However, there is a funny incident happens today. Read the conversation below and you will know how foolish am I....It is the conversation between wei and me on msn... lol..
Wei: hey
result come out ady
go and see
me: a?(actually wanna ask ar? why release at such a weird time? because quite suspicious...why result release at 5th pm..but really nervous so go and take a look 1st)
wah (actually i wana say wah!really? but I am too eager to know my result...so i stop at wah then click at IE and enter the address and)(how i know...when i gonna enter username and p/w...)
Wei: yeah...cheated u....(bluff me!!!!=='')
me: XXXXXXXXXX
me:XXXXXXXXXXXX( u can guess on ur own...not gonna write out but definitely not vulgar words)
ZZZZZZZ....sien....i am so nervous and so eager to know my result...how i know will get cheated!!!! zzzz...i am such a fool...get cheated so easily...but still very funny when think of i am so foolish..LOL...Actually, this incident really frightened me..It's like anyone can cheat me easily by simply make up a story......Btw, this incident is quite funny..haha....In conclusion, no need to bluff me on April Fool because i get cheated at anytime...lol....

唉！

考试结束了，我应该开心吧？我一点也不开心，但这和考试没关系。到现在我才发现，最难过的并不是觉得不开心，而是连不开心都不能表现出来。有些人说，发脾气是种幼稚的行为。那不发脾气，不把我肚子里满满的不开心发泄出来，是否就是成熟？我能忍，但我忍得很辛苦。我不懂，如果我连在你面前表现我真实感受都不能，那这段感情还有什么意义。我很想告诉你，我不开心是因为你没有说到做到。是不是对我说过的话都能这样儿戏？为什么会这样？不负责任？是不是你对任何人都这样？我很想对你大发脾，但我没有。我知道自己是个脾气暴躁的人，但我并不想再对任何人发脾气。我必须成熟，我想不到任何理由对人大发脾气。我想做个100分的人，不仅为了我自己，也为了你，我真的很想让你因为我而感到骄傲。但这一切都令我非常沮丧。为什么我们天天都见面，我却觉得我们的距离越来越远？人家都说感情会随着时间越谈越淡，对我来说正好相反，我觉得这段感情在我心里只会越来越浓。我知道现实生活往往会磨掉感情，一段感情少了新鲜感是很难维持的。不管功课多忙，考试多重要，我总会花些时间想些有趣的东西，逗你开心，让你不觉得跟我在一起是很闷的。我知道我是个很闷的人，我不懂是否闷坏了你，我不懂和我在一起的你是否开心。事实上，我闷到连我空闲时想做什么，我自己都不知道。除了看戏，看书，听歌，上网，还是重复看戏，看书，听歌，上网。。。我真的尽力了，我也希望你能看到。但这一切`还是令我沮丧，为什么你会在陪我的时间心不在焉？为什么你不肯花点心思在我身上？为什么你总说你累？是我让你觉得累了？为什么我能让你觉得你在我心目中是最重要的，而你却让我觉得我在你心目中是样样都比我重要？我在想，是否要我停止对你好，你才会想起我的好？我是否不应该把你看得太重？跟我有深厚感情的人并不多，但对我来说，还是很多人对我来说非常非常的重要。我是否必须多花时间及精神在他们身上，而不是你？我真的很想告诉你，我对你好并不是理所当然。虽然我并不要求任何回报，可是你必须符合一个我值得对他好的人的标准。至到现在，我依然相信爱是无条件的，但这种说法只能在一种情况下成立，那就是他或她必须是个值得你这样做的人。

10 September

It's my birthday today.I received so many greetings from friends via facebook,messages and so on. Haha..Happy that you all still remember my birthday^^ . Today is just like normal day..no big party but there is one memorable event which can be considered as very significant to me...haha..Someone bought me two pieces of tiny cute cakes and sing birthday song to me...Seriously, I like the voice so much (of course I like that person also ^^). I appreciate with what he do for me although it's not a big party and there is only two of us..Yes, it's enough for me to remember it forever..The first time "we" celebrate my birthday..I feel blessed for being together with you...

Ah ma

My mama called me last Saturday. I feel weird when I saw her handphone number. My mama seldom call me. Call me is always my papa's job...Well..I know you guys feel weird because it's always mother's job to call their son or daughter...Anyway, it's not the point...My mama told me that my ah ma passed away last friday and her funeral will be on this Wednesday...I heard my mama's sad voice although she is trying to hide it...Although this week is study week, my mama tell me I no need to go back..I know she don't want this incident to affect me and also tiring me by traveling such a long journey to go back to my hometown...I don't know how to describe my feeling when I heard of this news..I feel sad at the moment but I don't cry...It's like I am so cold-blooded...I wanted to say I am not cold-blooded...I still have the feeling and I feel sad!!! It's my ah ma....and she is passed away now...I really feel sad whenever thinking of how good she treat my siblings and I. My mama always say that ah ma dotes my siblings and I the most among so many grandchild...yes...I feel it...I can tell from her actions..In fact, I am not very close with my ah ma and we seldom talk because I am not very good in the language but it's really sad to know she leave us forever..This is the first time I feel the sadness of losing kin...From this incident, I have learnt to appreciate the time when being with someone because you'll never know when would be the last time you see them..Now, I can't even attend her funeral..I don't know I have to miss how many more important family days just because I am studying at Kampar(haiz..just forget about it...useless to regret upon it anymore)..The last time I saw my ah ma is during Chinese New Year.Although she leave us forever, her image will stay in my heart forever..I don't have her photo but I can remember her well...Her style is totally different from my paternal grandma...my paternal grandma is like success businesswoman look, a strong woman...My ah ma symbolic a typical beautiful woman..She is old but I know she must be a very beautiful lady when she was young......I can tell from her small face,tiny mouth,thin body, gentle voice and fair skin...I always think that my mother and my maternal cousins' beauty is inherited from her(yes..I am the exception@@) Anyway,I would never forget how good she treat us when the time she is staying in my house to take care of my siblings and I. Although she is maternal grandma but i still called her as ah ma...many of my paternal relatives ask me to called her 外婆...because ah ma sounds like my father's mother...but it's ok to me and my ah ma don't mind it also...so I insists to called her ah ma...It's sad to know no chance to call her ah ma anymore...Rest in peace, ah ma...

Today isn't my birthday

Yes...today is not my birthday...my birthday is 10 Sepetember..I have received 2 gifts although my birthday will be on this thursday..one of the presents is from my friends and another one is from haha...secret...Actually my friend give me the present on last wednesday and they remind me to open it on my birthday but I opened it right after back to my room...haha...I am like a kid so impatient to wait till my birthday? I am quite moody last wednesady but you comfort me with your sincere friendship..thanks.. I like the bear bear photo frame...Another gift is from you...haha..Harry Potter series Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...I already have six books of Harry Potter series.. you bought the last episode for me so I have all HP series books..haha... Thank you...Actually birthday presents is not the point,what I wanted to highlight is your sincere friendships and your love...I really appreciate it..I would never forget how you all console me whenever I feel sad..