人言可畏

很无言，真的真的无言。。很多时候，我都选择沉默。不是我错了，只是不想得理不饶人。况且，公道自在人心，不多说也不见得理亏。越来越不想说话，因为现实真的让人无言，让人无话可说。所以当一个人变得沉默寡言，变得越来越不想说话，不必觉得奇怪。哎！算了！真的不必介意，不必在乎别人对我的看法和他们说的话。这一切根本不重要，更不管我的事，毕竟嘴是他们的。虽然有些话真的很伤人，但真的没必要去计较。放心吧！我会原谅。

Sweat..

I wonder why someone who is older and more experience than me still doing such a childish matter. She blames others when something goes wrong? Why she must blame the innocent one?
Why don't she think that the one who did the fault have to responsible for it and not blame it on others?It seems like she is looking excuses for the one who did fault. And the one who did the fault will never improve because they always have excuses for the fault they did. I wonder why there is so many people in this world must relate their fault to the innocent one? Is it this will make them feel better? Why they are still not mature to differentiate good and bad , right and wrong? Why they can have such an irrational thinking? Is it something wrong with our education system and make them have this kind of irrational thinking?

Another irrational judgement from the same person. She say that a girl might be a playgirl and the girl might not serious in her relationship if she has two bf before..swt..why say like that? What makes her think like that? Don't you think it's not logical at all??I really don't know what to say...Seriously, so curious why they have such thinking..

haha..so excited..

Haha..I am so happy! I can see you tomorrow!!So excited until cannot sleep..haha! 10pm now,normally I already dreaming about you at this time ..haha..but I am so excited until can't sleep today..Haha...I think I got a bit crazy now...Keep laughing...Swt..Anyway, can't wait to see you tomorrow..Miss you...I wonder how I get through this one whole week without you..Actually, it's quite torturing espcially there is something wrong with my handphone line and the internet connection. We hardly to have a good chat with each other via handphone and msn.Haha. Finally, I can see you tomorrow! Tomorrow!Haha.So happy...So happy that you say can see me everyday makes you feel happy..Haha.....See you...

不是我不够爱你，只是我不敢肯定，这爱，是不是最正确的。

很多人，因为寂寞而错爱了一人，但更多的人，因为错爱一人，而寂寞一生。我们可以彼此相爱，却注定了无法相守。不是我不够爱你，只是我不敢肯定，这爱，是不是最正确的。

看了这句话，我想起的第一个人就是你。我开始怀疑我和你的关系，是不是正确的。我跟你都还没开始，我们之间就已存在着那么多问题，这些问题是不是暗示我们并不适合对方。从最小的问题，我们不见面就没话题到更大的问题，并不是我们有心去解决就行的。既然我们还没在一起就发现这些问题的存在，我们是不是应该放弃更进一步的关系？如果我们勉强在一起，以后受的伤害是不是更大？

我真的不肯定我们现在的关系是否正确，我也不懂这样的感情是否对你我都好。我真的不想害自己，也拖累了你，成为你心里的负担。。。。有了前两次的经验，我变得超级懦弱，我变得害怕新的感情，我害怕再次受伤，我也害怕带给你麻烦。反正我都无法肯定这感情是否正确，我是不是应该放弃？放弃了，你我都不必兜了一大圈才发现错误。如果在一起后才发现我们根本不适合，是不是已太迟了？谁来告诉我我应该前进还是退后?

foundation result....

Just checked my result.This short semester I have only two subjects which is cost accounting and finance. Well, I get A- for cost accounting and B- for Finance. So the gpa for this semester is 3.2 and the cgpa for three semester in foundation is also 3.2.Don't know whether I should satisfy with it or not. The good thing is my cgpa is above 3 and I succeed completed my foundation programme without repeat or resit. The bad thing is I think that I can get better result and higher cgpa if I put more effort. others might think that cgpa is not important as long as you get 2 or above 2 so that you qualify to enter degree course. Yes, they are right, cgpa is not really important as long as it is 2 or above 2. It is important only if you want to apply for the scholarsip. To me, cgpa is important no matter you want to or don't want to apply for scholarship because it represents your effort and self-achievement. Well, I know that there is nothing I can do now even I feel unsatisfy with my result. So, next semester I should remind myself to put more effort in studying so I won't feel unsatisfy or regret when I know the result.

P/S: Special thanks to ken teach me and guide me when doing revision for finance...thanks for your moral support too..If not, I think I will get lower than B-....lol...Thanks to Jeremy keep nagging me to study if not I think I sure very lazy to do revision...lol

What's wrong with me?

I feel so tired! I don't know what's wrong with me...what's wrong with my body and what's wrong with my mind. I feel extremely not well. I thought exam is over and I can enjoy myself during sem break but I can't enjoy it at all. I don't have enough sleep. I try to sleep but I couldn't close my eyes when I lie on bed. Haiz.Nigtmare aroused me. I can't even sleep well when I fall asleep. Haiz. Dream a lot recently and I still remember clearly all the dreams when I wake up! I don't know what's wrong with my body. I feel so uncomfortable.Haiz. May be it signals that I will get sick soon but hopefully it is not. My appetite getting weird recently too. Haiz. I skip my breadfast and lunch and I eat a lot for dinner.After 2 or 3 hours, I feel hungry again. What's wrong?Anyway, I must control myself not to eat supper. I should not get hungry so easily since I eat so much for dinner and I did not do anything that have to used up so many energy, right? Something keep bothering me.I don't know exactly what is the problem. Haiz. Not to mention that how to make myself not to worry so much and find out a solution for it.Haiz.Can't do well in everything.Keep losing when playing xdo.Can't have a good chat with everyone.Haiz.Really no mood to do anything right now.Haiz..I think I better don't think so much.Just let it be and everything will be fine.Cheers...Sienzz..Still Moody...

Inferior

I always wonder why boys love me. My mind full of doubts whenever they say I love you to me. There is so many questions in my mind. Why me? Are you kidding? Am I good enough for you?Your parents can accept a girl like me?

Tell frankly, I am really inferior of myself. I am not as good as other girls. I realize that I am so lazy compared to other girls in my hostel. They wash their dirty clothes while I send my dirty clothes to laundry in the hostel. They do housekeeping for their room that I never ever think before. I am so lazy and it results in everything around me is so messy. I don't even know how to tidy up my room and my clothes. Seriously, I don't think messy will cause any trouble to me so I just let it be.Well, may be you think that I can change my laziness but you will know it's hard to change if you born with it. I try to tidy up my room and my clothes but it becomes messy after two or three days. I try to keep it neatly but it doesn't work! I tried so hard to make all the things neatly and tidy but seems like it is destined to be so messy unless I don't touch them. So, what else I can do? I wish that I am a hardworking girl so that I won't think that messy will not bring me any troubles and I will tidy up my room when neccessary. I won't make my clothes messy and think it looks good and convenient for me to look for my clothes when it's messy. I wonder why boys will say I love you to a girl who is so messy like me.

I don't have good characters that a typical good girl should have. Somemore, I am very hot temper and stubborn. My emotion change easily and I couldn't hide my feeling well.I will definitely show faces no matter how hard I try to hide it. So, I choose not to hide my feeling. I will throw tantrum to anyone whenever I am unhappy with something. Actually, I just want to express my feeling when I throw tantrum to someone and not mean to hurt her/his feeling.I really envy those who can hide their feeling and put smile face eventhough they are not satisfy with someone. I think this kind of people look like very fake because they put on a mask whenever they socialize with others. However, this kind of people have a lot of friends and everyone like to be friends with them compared to me. My speed of my emotional change and the way I express my true feeling make me offend a lot of people so I have only a few munber of friends.Of course, they won't tell me they don't like me nor my offensive words because they put on a mask. They will smile at you and act like there is nothing happen since they are so good in hiding their true feeling. I know I should change my attitude. The reality world is cruel and noone will like you for no reasons. They don't even care to know the real you. You will have a lot of friends if only you are willing to put on a mask. I think I should learn to be like them so I will get a lot of friends although I don't know why I want to have 'a lot of friends'. Well, back to the topic, a girl who is the centre of a group of friends or concern by everyone would be the favourite of boys. I am just a girl who have not much friends don't even have to relate me to the centre of everyone. I am just too far for that. A girl who is so emo and always throw tantrum make herself looks like so unreasonable. What makes boys fall for me since I am so unreasonable?

I have no talent, not pretty and I am not from a rich family. I am not as good as others from every aspect. Haiz..So, tell me how to make me believe that you really love me. I know that love is about the feeling. But the feeling can last for how long if I am not good in everything. 1 month? 1 years? One of my friend say that nowadays boys like to look for rich girl to be their gf, so the girl can help them in their career in future. Somemore, can make them proud bacause their gf is comes from rich family. I really stunned when I heard that. I feel sad that why the world is so realistic. I feel like it's hard for me to fit in this realistic world. I know clearly what's the difference of girl who have a rich family and poor family and I finally get what my friend means its better to having a rich gf. Girls from rich family can buy expensive and branded stuff which is high quality compare to cheap stuff. Girls from rich family have more talent compare to poor one because they have so much extra money for them to learn this learn that. Girls from rich family is much more nice looking than a girl from poor family because they can maintain their skin and their hair looks nice by using good product which is can't afford by a poor girl. I am not born with all of these...I guess all of you get what I mean right? I am really not that good and it's not weird that I doubt their love right?

I have to declare that I didn't blame my parents even though they are not rich. I can feel their love that I can never feel it from others. My parents love me unconditionally especially my father. I can't pay all the things that he has done for me no matter what I do for him.My father do everything for me more than his reposibilities for a daughter. I am really touch whenever he do like that. I am so shame that I don't even dare to say thank you to him although I really appreciate what he has done for me. Well, it's really hard for me to open my mouth to say thank you to him but I will definitely express my appreciation to him by action. I want to give him and my family the best thing just like he keep all the best things to me and my family. I remember that he says he and my mother love me more than they love my younger brother and sister. Yes, I strongly agree with him. I always think that I must have a bf who can treat me like the way my father treat me. As I said my parent not rich but my father can buy me a thing which might make him have no money to buy another thing that he wants. I strongly believe that he will get everything that I want by sacrifice himself including his life. However, I am big enough to know that many things that I want are out of my parent's ability. I won't request anything unreasonable from them and I am so ashame to ask them to give me this and that since they sacrifice a lot for me. They suffer a lot in life and suffer a lot to give me a better life, I hope I can graduate from U as soon as possible and let them have a better life. If can, I really wish that the one who have to suffer is me but not them....God, I know that You put my family in poor condition for us to experience it and learn to strive for life. I don't expect to have a easy life but I hope that I can give my parents comfortable life in future. I am too scare to lose them and I am too afraid that I have no enough time to do anything for them. God, please bless them to stay healthy so I can take care of them and give them comfortable life in future....Amen.