Life

Eating alone. Studying alone. Listening songs alone. A peaceful day. Quite happy with it. Noone interupt me. I can do anything I like. I can do my things without any disturbance. I enjoy the silent environment. No noise. Good environment for me to study. The best thing is don't need to speak with anyone. It's good to be alone. I hate to face people. I hate crowded place. I like to be silent even when I be with friends. It's not that I don't know the way to express myself, not that I don't have my own opinion. It's simply because I like to keep words to my own. I rarely express myself in words in front of others and most probably I only express myself with facial expressions. A bad habit. I pull long my face whenever I feel unhappy. I should correct it as soon as possible.

Well. Back to the topic. I like to be alone but there is always many things come into my mind when i am alone. I looked into mirror after I finished bathing , I saw a dull face. Suddenly, I feel I am uglier than before. In fact, I never think that I am pretty but I really looks uglier today. I am not energetic anymore. I don't see my passion towards life. I feel so tired. Is it that I can't see my bright future? I keep thinking about my future these days. Did I choose the correct path of my life by entering this uni and pursuing this course?

Really confusing. Is this kind of life suits me? Or I have to change myself and try to fit in? I am not gifted. I am not talented in anything. Many people say that I have good fashion sense but what can I do with it? I can only choose nice clothes for myself. Besides doll up myself with clothes, what else can I do? I can't be a good fashion designer. I am not good in drawings. I am not born with it. I can't even learn it well. Not to say be a good fashion designer, I can't even be a normal fashion designer because I can't even draw! So, the main point is I can't use fashion sense to earn money. Some of them say I good in chinese language. I think about proceed to chinese studies in degree course. But it seems unrealistic to take this course due to the little chance to get a good job, somemore I don't wanna be a teacher. So, pursuing chinese studies in degree is impossible.

I remember my parents and teachers taught me to be a good girl and do well in exam then only I can succeed in my life. In fact, I think I still can't see my bright future even i try very hard to study and get an excellent result. I know that my result is not excellent but it is still can be considered as average and at least it is not bad compared to others. I knew I am smart enough to get better result. I knew that I am capable to do it well as long as I willing to put in more effort. I knew it. I am very sure I will get it as long as I try harder. But still, why don't I see my bright future is waiting for me? Is it true that I must change and try hard to fit in the situation? I must love what I have chosen, right? I know that I have the ability to solve any problems and survive in any bad situation. I always believe that there is nothing impossible for me. So, does it means that I can get through all these obstacles as long as I am willing to do so?

Feeling better after writing it out... At least those questions won't distract me during studying..Gotta go to continue studying now..

Demotivated

Another sem has been started. I am pursuing Bachelor in Financial Economics now. I am not sure if this is the right choice. I know it's too late to regret or whatsoever now. I think what I can do now is responsible for my choice. I think the course should not be a problem as long as I put effort on it right?

I am extremely distress eventhough it's 1st week of this sem. Feeling demotivated to do anything. I am so worry that I can't get good result in degree. I told myself that I must start studying from now. It is a must! If i wish to get good result, if i wish myself can at least be listed in Dean list, I must put a lot of effort in studying and not feeling demotivated to do anything just like what happen now.

Althought i feel demotivated to do anything, I still take out my notes and try to concentate on it. At least i tried it! I guess this is the only good thing in this week. At least I didn't waste my time on doing nothing. Swt...I know that I can't keep feeling demotivated but I am really disinterested in everything now! Can someone tell me what happen to me? Can anyone tell me what should I do to motivate myself?

Life lies

Well...I don't like to twist and turn. I don't like to hide my feeling in front of everyone but my life is different from now onwards. I can't reveal my true feeling in front of everyone. I am not that straight forward anymore. Tell frankly, i find it hard to hide my true feeling but i have to learn. I knew it's important to survive in this world. I have to put on a mask so that others will like me. I have to hide the truth and tell people those things they like to listen to. Actually, it is not that hard. I am smart enough to master it. Seriously, i have to learn to be fake so that I can succeed in my life. Alisson, you must learn it!

I won't tell you the truth. I won't tell you my true feeling. It will only make everything goes wrong. It will only affect our life. I found something interesting. It sounds funny because I not dare to request anything from you. Until now, this is the only thing that I hide from you so you will never know what I need. Well. May be I really don't need anything from you.Sounds funny right? I can request everything directly from everyone but not you. Anyway, I should keep it up to be fake. Don't blame me for putting on a mask.

解释永远是多余，了解我的人不需要，不了解我的人没必要。

最近，发生了一些莫名其妙的事，真的让我大开眼界，原来人性如此丑恶。现实残酷，我渐渐觉得，原来人也是可以性本恶的。有些人就是如此荒唐，当他们指着你说你时，他们总是忘了其他手指是指着他们自己。真的很讽刺，既然自己都是这样的人，为什么就不先管教好自己，再来批评别人的错误呢？令人咋舌的是，有些人总爱以为比别人年长几年，就觉得自己比别人成熟，比别人更经验丰富。虽然很多人都觉得老人的经验丰富，思想也比较成熟，但他们往往因此而忽略了自己也只是个会犯错的平凡人，他们也不会是完美的人。奇怪的是，为什么他们容许自己犯错，却不能包容别人的缺点或错误呢？为什么心地如此狭窄，眼光如此短浅？我个人倒不认为这是顽固的表现，当然也不完全是个性使然，而是每件事都会有盲点。而他们所看的，所想的，都是因为盲点的存在而忽略了真相。有些人总爱说旁观者清，当他们的理由不再是理由，他们就会以旁观者清为理由。他们忘了，他们并不是旁观者，而是间接的参与其中。如果要看清整件事，他们应该不让自己参与其中。如果事情已经牵涉自己，请别理直气壮地用旁观者清作为自己的理由。旁观者是看着整件事发生的人，如果你没亲耳听见，亲眼看见整个过程，就请别说你是旁观者。对不起，你连旁观者都不是。所以，请别胡乱猜测，胡乱下定论，因为你的意见往往有盲点。为什么会有盲点的存在？就是用为你并不了解整个状况。

值得庆幸的是，有盲点的意见，有盲点的批评不会存在太久。因为这些假象都会不攻自破，时间会证明一切。因此，对于很多事，我没必要澄清。就如标题所写，解释永远多余，了解我的人不需要，不了解我的人没必要。关于别人对我的错误看法，我想这是因为他们不认识我，不了解我。 既然不认识也不了解我，就请别批评我的为人及我的性格。另一方面，我想如果有些人认为自己的判断正确，那就由他吧。反正真相总会有大白的一天，也许知道真相后他们才会发现自己犯的错。但真的没关系，既然他都乐于如此，那就由他吧。人总是会从自己的错误中学习，成长。高兴的是，了解我的人并不会认同那些人对我的看法。正因为他们认识我，了解我，所以他们的意见及看法才是值得我接纳的。我希望大家不要因为别人不接受你的意见，就随意觉得别人固执或不成熟，因为你没想过自己的意见是否真的值得别人接纳。

Confusing

Really unhappy now. Don't feel like talking to anyone.It's just something in my heart make me confusing. I dunno why i have to keep all the feeling in front of you. I dunno why i have to hide my true feeling and smile with you. I dunno. Where is the real me?I don't feel like talking to you. Really confusing now....

人言可畏

很无言，真的真的无言。。很多时候，我都选择沉默。不是我错了，只是不想得理不饶人。况且，公道自在人心，不多说也不见得理亏。越来越不想说话，因为现实真的让人无言，让人无话可说。所以当一个人变得沉默寡言，变得越来越不想说话，不必觉得奇怪。哎！算了！真的不必介意，不必在乎别人对我的看法和他们说的话。这一切根本不重要，更不管我的事，毕竟嘴是他们的。虽然有些话真的很伤人，但真的没必要去计较。放心吧！我会原谅。

Sweat..

I wonder why someone who is older and more experience than me still doing such a childish matter. She blames others when something goes wrong? Why she must blame the innocent one?
Why don't she think that the one who did the fault have to responsible for it and not blame it on others?It seems like she is looking excuses for the one who did fault. And the one who did the fault will never improve because they always have excuses for the fault they did. I wonder why there is so many people in this world must relate their fault to the innocent one? Is it this will make them feel better? Why they are still not mature to differentiate good and bad , right and wrong? Why they can have such an irrational thinking? Is it something wrong with our education system and make them have this kind of irrational thinking?

Another irrational judgement from the same person. She say that a girl might be a playgirl and the girl might not serious in her relationship if she has two bf before..swt..why say like that? What makes her think like that? Don't you think it's not logical at all??I really don't know what to say...Seriously, so curious why they have such thinking..