Perfectionist!!

I'm always disappointed in myself for not reaching the goal that I wanted to achieve!Some of them say what I want is just too perfect. It's not gonna be materialized. I don't think they are right. I am not a perfectionist. I know very well noone around the world could be perfect. I never expect myself to be the perfect one but why I still fail to achieve my target? Is it that I expect too much of myself? High expectation always comes with high disappoinment, this is what my friend told me. I don't believe it but now...haiz.. I always think that it will never come true if you don't even think of it or give it a try!!! I think I was wrong. Totally wrong! May be it is just not mean to be yours. You will never get it no matter how hard you tried. I always expect myself to achieve this and that. It's sad to know that I can't achieve the result that I wanted. It's even worse than you can't achieve others' expectations.Really feel bad. How am I going to continue to work on it? It seems like I have in no position to have it!! Longing for something always but it never comes true. I doubt it will come true.Have faith in myself? It doesn't work!

Lost again!!!

Hate myself. It's not complicated at all. It's just as simple as that. Please don't think too much!!! Stop blurring! Midterm test is coming soon. I should have prepared well for it but I feel so unprepared! Found it even hard after studying!!!! My brain is still so empty to answer those questions in my mind. Why? Why? Why? Should I stop asking why?! Why such stupid thing always happen to me? This makes me even more stupid!!!! Don't I look stupid enough?

有感而发

你的失望
我的难堪
我应如何面对？
是我
是我让你不开心
我知道
我无法弥补
我的过失
我更无法给你
你要的快乐
这一切
是否意味着
我不应该
跨过
这似有似无的界线？

无言

昨晚，和朋友一起吃晚餐时，有个老人走到我们的桌子向我们要钱。当时，我毫不犹豫地拿出了一块钱（我自己也没钱，所以能给的只有那一块钱）。正当我想给他时，整桌的人居然一起阻止我。当时还真的有点错愕，我没想到他们会有那样的反应。他们说，如果给他就是害他，纵容他，让他觉得他乞讨的行为是对的。但我觉得，也许他真的有他的苦衷。他们又说，他有手有脚，如果肯做工，怎么会有什么苦衷。我却觉得，现在找工真的不容易，对一个年轻人来说不容易，对一个老人来说就更加困难了。他们还说，如果我真的给他钱，他就会越来越得寸进尺。我想，放下尊严出来乞讨不是那么容易的。如果不是因为真的走投无路，我想他绝对不会放下自尊出来讨钱吧。他们说，他就是懒得做工才会这样，但我总觉得事情不是那么简单，至少他没有用别的方法来骗钱，他们却说这样也是欺骗！他们还说，我们没必要给他钱，即使是其他捐钱做善事的活动，我们也没必要参加，因为我们用的是父母的钱。不过，我觉得如果我父母在场，他们也会给他钱吧。哎！真的很无言。一边听着朋友的劝告，一边同情他。哎！结果，我选择逃避，走去隔壁的Watson看东西，等到他走出那间店，才回来。说真的，很同情他，也很不忍心不理他。如果是你，你会怎样做？

友谊之手

今天，我和TG1朋友去金宝的瀑布。。哈哈。。这是我第一次去瀑布。。真的很佩服艺丰，用Saga 载了6个人还能顺利地把车开上又斜又弯曲的小路。另外，美玉的驾驶技术真的让我佩服，哈哈，她竟然驾没有power steering 的kancil上这种路，真的除了佩服还是佩服。。（我们怀疑她用她的小灵鹿以180km/hr的速度在高速公路飙车。。swt）我想，以我的驾驶技术，应该到不了那里吧。。哈哈。。

接下来令我傻眼的是，我们居然要用水路走上瀑布的最高处。。水路-我们能踏到的只有水，沙，和石头。一路上，我真的很害怕。第一，我没有去过瀑布也没走过这样的水路。第二，我很怕跌倒受伤，更怕失足跌入水里，因为我不会游泳。好啦，我承认我胆小啦！就因为我胆小，所以大家都很照顾我。这一路上，我真的不懂多少人牵我走过N个石头，哈哈！令我印象深刻的是，Young说他的手被我握到很痛（其他受害者的人数不详）。哈哈。。我想整个路上有四分之三的时间都在握着他的手。对不起，不是故意的。真的不好意思，不懂要怎样报答你。就这样，我们到了瀑布的最高处。水好冷，但你们对我的好，令我觉得温暖。

美中不足的是，Jake的情侣戒竟然不见了！就这样，我们真正的体会到了海底捞针的滋味。在遍寻不获的情况下，我们终于放弃。走回瀑布的下流时，我真的欲哭无泪。因为水是往下流，我们走下去的难度会更高。结果，艺丰竟然说看到我这样，他宁愿抱着我下去，这样会更快到下面。炸到！即使你有那种能力，我也不敢，免得我们两个一起跌死=='!结果，就像上来一样，很多人在我旁边握着我，告诉我应该踏着哪颗石头，应该怎样走。我没想到我居然能迟钝到需要大家告诉我应该先用哪只脚踏着石头！炸到了没有？！到最后一段路，真的崩溃了。结果就是，乙丰把我抱去我们该去的地方=='。

结果，我便成了他们取笑的对象，他们万万没想到精明能干的我竟会这样胆小=='...不过，我想他们已不是第一次看到我笨笨的样子了吧？！swt..令我意外的是，他们都个个经验丰富。。不过，还是很谢谢大家对我的照顾与指导。。哈哈。。。这次真的很难忘咯。。哈哈。。

Exhausted

Exhausted by overwork? I don't think so and I don't know why am I feeling exhausted. This makes me emo....zzz..I am seriously bad. Always bring this kind of bad mood to people around me.In fact, I not sure whether they affected by me. If yes, really sorry to them. I know you won't blame me right? I don't mean to feel down and emo...But..Haiz...Lazy to type it out....I think it will affect your mood when you are reading it. Anyway, it's not a big deal. I think I can handle it well. All I need is your moral support. It's glad to know that you are always by my side to cheer me up. Thanks to you, my friends.

Friends

I can feel my new classmates really wanna make friends with each other sincerely. I can sensethe sincerity among us. One of the definition of sincerity is freedom of hypocrisy. It's happy to know that I don't need to put on a mask in front of them. They don't need to do that either. I think I shall mix around with them more often.However, I still feel there is some distance between me and the class if compared to others in the class. I know it's my own problem. I am not that easy to open my heart to accept others or trust them. I used to be like that. It's not easy to open my heart to accept them suddenly. I need time.

I wonder is it that god hear my prayer and give me such a good chance to have more friends.
As we know, it's easy to have many friends but very difficult to have a true friend who can accept you for who you are. Therefore, you might have a lot of friends but don't even have one good friend or you might only have a few friends but all of them are your good friends who really understand you. Someone told me that friends is only for you to spend your free time. I am quite agree with it if you refer to normal friends.To me, true friends arenot only who you spend your free time with but they are willing to help you when you have difficulties. At least, they will lend you their ears when you need someone to listen to you. Btw, I should take initiative if i wish to have more friends, right?